Before his death, as Jesus spoke to his close followers, he offered comfort and commission. That is, he told them not to fear, that his presence, his spirit, would be with them and he gave them direction in how to live. His words come across, knowing his compassion and self-sacrifice, as loving and kind and filled with honesty and hope.
In the discourse, he also said something that tyrants have twisted to their selfish ends. Jesus talked about obedience. He said, “If you love me, you will keep my commands.”
Obedience is a highly problematic principle in life and faith. Those words of Jesus, if they were spoken by a tyrant or a narcissist, could be controlling or manipulative. Spoken by Jesus, they are an invitation to life and relationship with God and with others. He follows up those words with these, “And this is my command, that you love one another.” Obedience becomes not oppressive or filled with fear, but rather an invitation to a life of seeing our common humanity and caring for one another.
It’s interesting to consider how often something that Jesus said, when said or used by those interested in their own power, turns into its opposite. When Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life,” it is a way of solace, a reminder that we do not need to fear. When some religious leaders quote the same words, almost gleefully emphasizing the words that follow, “no one comes to the Father, but by me,” they turn Jesus’ words of comfort to his followers into words of damnation towards just about everyone in all history. It really is terrible.
Obedience, in the words of Jesus, is an invitation to love. Obedience in the demands of tyrants, large and small is an insistence upon accepting “your place” and their supposed authority or greatness. Truly this displays weakness, not strength, lack of faith more than presence of faith.
I came across an article earlier this fall that examined a survey on social attitudes in the United Kingdom. The survey asked people what they thought mattered in relationships, in families, in society regarding how we relate to one another. For example, this might not be a surprise given that it was a UK study, 85% of respondents said that it was important that their children learn good manners. Tolerance was at 76%. Obedience? Only 12% of respondents said that it was important that their children learn obedience. This marked the biggest change from results reported in the 2022 study compared with one in 1990. In 1990, 42% said that obedience was important. By 2022 that number was 12%. Another steep decline was in the area labelled “religious faith.” In 1990, 23% of respondents said they wanted their children to have religious faith. In 2022 that number was 9%.
You might consider the reasons why obedience would fall so sharply as something that people see as important. Are people rebellious and terrible? You might think so. There is another possibility, however. Given people’s experience, personally, and historically of what obedience has meant, they may have determined that obedience as a value, a virtue, is more dangerous than helpful. People may have a less than positive view of those who demand obedience and they may have seen what such demands have wrought.
The first wedding that I officiated as minister was 30 years ago. At the time, some versions of the traditional wedding vows, the “I promise to love, honour, and cherish …” had in them the word “obey.” What makes this more interesting, and I think troubling, is that the word “obey” was only in one of the partner’s vows. You can guess which partner’s. As a young minister, this is one of the few places where I exercised some editorial control. If the couple wanted traditional vows I would ask that they chose vows without that word “obey.”
When Jesus spoke of obedience he did not sound like an insecure tyrant or a terrible boss or an angry parent. Jesus himself said that the way authority should work, for his followers, was that the one who was highest should make themselves lowest. His words were, “For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.” This upsets damaging notions of obedience that were so often perpetuated by the church over the centuries. If the church and its leaders demanded obedience in a top down, authoritarian, because-I-said-so way, then they were not reflecting the way of Jesus.
In a recent online course offered by Homebrewed Christianity, Tripp Fuller and Pete Enns spoke around the question, “Who is God?” They pointed out that there are some helpful guides in how to think through this question as a person of Christian faith. Firstly, we must give ourselves permission to be wrong and to admit that we are wrong. Secondly, we must give ourselves permission to change our minds. Finally, whatever we think of God, God must be at least as nice as Jesus.
Hopeful Christian theology says that Jesus gave his life for the life of the world. His power was exercised in self-sacrifice and love. He did not demand obedience as a tyrant or an authority. He did not (his words again) “Lord it over” others.
“And this is my command - that you love one another.”