(Next week I’ll write about the best and worst of Evangelical Funerals. I intended to do so today, but was drawn to more hopeful reflections.)
I am brought to this week’s “Evangelical Word” by consideration over a recent loss in the world. A friend of mine died this week. It is with sorrow, due to the occasion of his death, but with gratitude, due to the blessing of having known him, that I briefly memorialize my friend, Gordon. I did not know Gordon well or for any long period of time. He was a distant relative of a close family friend, and we met at a coffee shop when Gordon and his wife were having coffee with my friend’s family.
You know how you can meet a person and maybe not know them for a long time, but they have a lasting impact on your life? It can be that you are glad to simply know that there are people like that in the world. When Gordon died this week he had been living with his family in Calgary. When we met in Vancouver, a number of years ago, Gordon and his wife were living in London, England. The friendship formed between Gordon and myself largely because we seemed to both enjoy being in conversation together. We shared a common interest in the church and among the things we found ourselves talking about was how church, as we had known it, was in decline, and what the future might hold. Whenever Gordon and his wife were in town they would show up for whatever church event I was helping to put together. I remember one time when I was helping host a “Tasting Room Theology” event at a kitchen supply store in East Vancouver. The event took place in the sample kitchen area. Shortly after I arrived, Gordon and Christine showed up ready to help get out the food and supplies. They had just arrived in town.
Part of the reason that I so loved speaking with Gordon was that, in many ways, he was not like me. His political opinions and viewpoints on some major issues were often opposite to my own. His career had been in and around the oil industry. I don’t know exactly what his jobs were, but I could tell that he was smart and his training had prepared him for roles that mattered. His social media posts would sometimes include a kind of oil industry apologetic, like reminding the world about how much of what we do and use depends on the petroleum industry. I have more than a hunch that he supported Brexit. The thing is, Gordon and I understood that what we had in common was so much more than what was different about us. In fact, the degree of commonality helped to show how the difference could be a positive. Gordon seemed to be thankful that people like me were in the world even if he didn’t share my views on everything. I am thankful for Gordon. I miss him.
In 2017 I was in London for a conference. I stayed a couple of days longer to see the city. At that point I had probably had only 5 conversations with Gordon since we had met, but when he found out that I would be nearby he contacted me and said, “You must visit.” I took a train to near where he lived and we met for coffee. I remember thinking then that this guy was the real deal. One of the things that I liked about Gordon was that in our conversations he demonstrated an openness to varying viewpoints. No agenda, just two friends talking, in person. We were changing the world. Really. As much as I was thankful that day that we met, I am all the more so thankful now.
Gordon - now of blessed memory.
(with Gordon, May 2017)
Another memorial, a contemporary note:
I have mentioned before in this newsletter that my Dad died in August of 2020. My Dad was one of my heroes. I will not memorialize him here, but as I have spoken of my friend Gordon, it seems appropriate to remember one of the gifts that my father gave me for which I remain thankful.
I remember it this week because annual property assessments have been sent out in British Columbia. My wife and I are homeowners. The increase in apparent property value is something we had heard, but to see the percentage increase is to be led to some reflection, even spiritual consideration.
Our house has made more money than our labour ever could. Whenever people tell you that their hard work is what made them wealthy, listen with a little skepticism (not judgment). I’m not an economist, but from my vantage point it can seem like most wealth in our world is generated by money, not by work. No doubt, some wealthy people are intelligent and hard working. Some have seen financial reward for such intelligence and work. Many of these same people have made even more money off of real-estate or investments than they have off of work. This is in no way to judge them. I make a living, in part, because people who are able to give financially see what I am doing as valuable. I am grateful. The truth is, however hard I work, I’ll never be able to earn as much as my house is currently earning. Jennifer and I remind ourselves that many people who work much harder than us cannot afford property.
This is where the gift of my Dad comes to mind. (Years ago he did help us when we bought a townhome, but that is not the gift to which I am referring.)
Here are some words that I heard from my Dad repeatedly. I will write them as if he is saying them to me. Though I heard the words repeatedly, I remember them most from when I was in my early 30’s.
Todd, don’t let any old guy like me ever tell you that they had it hard in life. That’s bullshit. I mean in general, for people like me. (My Dad worked for Ontario Hydro for his entire career until he retired and then made a good amount of money consulting). Todd, you and people your age face way more challenges than I ever faced. I went to technical school for two years, TWO YEARS! When I was done I walked into a gymnasium and a bunch of desks were lined up for me to choose where I would like to work. I chose. I got hired. With my salary I could afford a house. Todd, as long as I didn’t do anything stupid I kept getting promotions at work and increases in salary. I didn’t even have to be that good at what I did (he was good at what he did), just not stupid. Then I retired at about 50 years old and started getting paid even more than I had made before to be brought in as a consultant, all while I had a pension. I’m just saying, I know that everyone has struggles in life, but don’t listen to the bullshit that my generation had it harder than yours. Those guys who talk like that, I know them, they are friends of mine. We meet at McDonald’s for coffee in the morning, and I listen to them talk about how young people are lazy or some bullshit like that. These guys are my friends. Most of them didn’t work for Hydro, but might as well have. They worked for some other company but their career path that was pretty much like mine. Now they were sitting around complaining that their kids didn’t get it or saying stupid things about young people. They would tell me that they told their adult children that they had to work hard like them. I would say, “Frank, your kids work harder than you ever did, and they have less to show for it.”
Those guys are my friends, but they’re full of shit. Don’t listen to guys like that when they talk about things like that.
I relate this memory to occasion a spiritual reflection. We have it easier than most other people in the world. This is not to say that you don’t have problems and struggles. I was entirely grateful to hear what my Dad said. It demonstrated that he had a healthy view of self and that he could actually see me and my life and my challenges. I try to remind myself that I can carry that same knowledge in relation to my own life. I have it so much easier than most people. Be truthful about these kinds of things in your own life. It will help you to see others better. It will help you to see yourself more clearly. You will be more appreciative, but also more willing to help. You won’t live in fear of losing what you have because you won’t tell yourself the lie that you are more deserving of what you have than the people who do not have what you have. We are blessed. May we have eyes to see how. And yes, I have already passed along a translation of what my Dad said to me to my own two sons. They are great guys, both, and in very many ways (not all ways) they are facing many more obstacles in this life than I ever had to face.
Memorials
I love the tribute to your friend Gordon. There are some people that we just connect with for a short time but they leave a part of themselves with us and knowing them just makes life sweeter.
I love the photo of you and your dad. You look happy. Your dad has a great smile.
Keep the memory of your dad alive. My dad died 44 years ago. I am still influenced by him and
I hear him and see him in my mind.