“I get by with a little help from my friends” or “Friends are friends forever”?
If you were raised evangelical in the late 80’s, or anytime in the 90’s, there is an obvious answer. I think that the actual name of the Michael W. Smith song was just “Friends,” but it became known as “Friends are Friends Forever.” Did you sing it on the last night of camp? Did you listen to it over and over again with tears in your eyes?
To be fair, the lyrics of a lot of songs don’t make sense on the surface. Like “Friends,” songs can be written to generate a response and a feeling. I find the lyric “if the Lord’s the Lord of them” to be interesting. “Friends are friends forever, if the Lord’s the Lord of them.” If the Lord is not the Lord of them, then, I guess, you’re f#cked. Is it true that only Christian friendships last? It is actually the case that the closest friendships in my life have included a shared sense of faith, but I am not so ignorant to think that only faith-based friendships last. Also, a lot of my faith-based friendships have not lasted. So, the Lord being the Lord of them is actually no guarantee.
Depending on the emotion attached to your memory of the song, I say either “you’re welcome” or “I’m sorry” for getting it in your head. Like a lot of people who spent a lot of time in the evangelical church, it is not unusual for the song to come into my head when I read about friends or simply hear the word repeated a few times. A few weeks ago I read an article on friendship. There was a study, commissioned by Fisherman’s Friend lozenges, that determined a friendship takes 34 hours of interaction to become established.
How could that interesting fact be included in the song? Maybe, “Friends are friends forever, if they’ve spent 34 hours together”. The study said that the 34 hours are best spread over 6 months. The article also quoted C.S. Lewis, who said that a friendship is born when you say to someone else, “What? You too?” The study further noted that the average adult has 5 close friends and approximately 50 “social friends.”
If you spent your pre-teen and teen years connected to an evangelical church you may have also heard repeated warnings about having the wrong friends, about how being friends with the wrong people could be extremely dangerous. It’s a curious thing to consider, what it means to have “better friends.” I think that Jesus may have had the wrong friends. God, the Father, too. God is always befriending the rebellious, the dangerous. Try telling God who “the wrong people” are. Such things have not gone well biblically and throughout history.
Like many people, I count the friendships in my life as one of greatest of all blessings I have known. It is beyond measure, how much we can be thankful for being known and cared for and loved.
Even the song then, can turn into a kind of prayer (just delete the conditional “Lord’s the Lord of them” part). The prayer for me recollects the words of Jesus to his disciples before his death. They are recorded in John 15. “No longer do I call you servants. I now call you friends.”
That’s the prayer part.
Dear God,
What does it mean that in our humanity we can be your friends? Everything changes if we can know the security of this kind of divine friendship. It is so much better and different than the religious and political fear and hatred that is often on offer. You have called us friends.
And sometimes a friend will indeed say never.
(A note for those who know the song.)
Oh my goodness, that song brings back memories! I heard (and sang) it countless times at camps, retreats, youth choir, etc (and now it's stuck in my head, thank you). I remember hearing as a teenager that the only relationships to survive long term were the ones with Jesus in the middle. Now that I'm firmly ensconced in middle age, I can say that's simply not true. In my experience, shared values, gratitude, and a commitment to maintaining the friendship are what matter.